When I was a kid I had an LP of sound effects. “Sound effects No. 13 – Death & Horror” was the title and it was recorded by the BBC. The first side of the vinyl had sounds with horrific titles like “Hot Poker Into Eye” or “Sawing Leg Off”. I remember making my own recorded horror stories on an old cassette recorder. I wrote some cheesy script about a haunted house Amy me and my brother acted out the various torturous attacks by the vampires, with the sound effects playing as our limbs were broken and hacked. The sleeve notes explained how some of the sound effects were created. Stabbing cabbages or breaking other vegetables was the less horrific way of creating the sounds that suddenly spring to mind. I think how the sounds of stabbing flesh and coughing blood were somehow absent from the LP. No matter. I can hear them now.

I´m finding it harder to breathe. I think my lung is punctured. That will probably explain why I have the coppery taste of blood in my mouth when I cough. The ground is hard, damp and cold. I hear the sounds of footsteps retreating, echoing through the underpass. I’m now alone.

The knife is still in my chest. Buried up to the hilt. That means it´s about 5 inches into my chest. I want to pull it out, but I know that the blood loss will be worse if I do. I want to get up but I’m hurting so much and I’m cold. The floor is sucking the heat from my body.

Carrying knives is stupid. They don’t protect you. Yeah you can wave them around and people get scared. But what happens when they are more prepared than you are?

So this is the sorry end to a Friday night. It started well, beers in the Crawford Arms with Mack and Baz. The usual sort of stuff. Grope a couple of the students in the bar as I’m wandering around. Spat in the face of one that slapped me. Had a bit of a rumble with some poser outside KFC on the way home. Then when I said bye to Mack and Baz and headed home, feeling on top of the world, I heard some footsteps behind me as I walked through the underpass.

I looked around cautiously and saw that it was a girl. Student probably. I was feeling it was time for some action so when I went around the corner I pulled out my knife and waited.

The look on her face as I grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. Knife at her throat. I bet though the look on my face was even funnier as she head butted my nose, ripped the knife out of my hands and plunged it into my chest. That girl had some ninja skills, no mistake.

I cough as I laugh. Taken down by a girl. What a way to go. My smile suddenly retreats. This is the end then. I’m cold as ice and my chest is sticky with blood. I then feel warmth spread around my groin. I realise I have wet myself. That’s another sound effect missing from “Sound effects No. 13 – Death & Horror”.

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