Celebrity deaths don’t really bother me, but when the death is from suicide then it does. The recent death of Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell before that, saddened me, even though I cannot say that I was a massive fan of either. There are songs by both that I like, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan.

The first suicide that hit me hard was that of Robin Williams. Here was a man, who was incredibly funny and a talented actor, taking his own life. What drives someone to do that? I feel that I have been close to the edge and have no wish to go any closer. It lead me to think that it only takes a moment to kill yourself. That moment maybe the one moment, those few minutes when death seems the only way out. If the opportunity passes then we may survive another day, but what happens when the opportunity and the despair collide? I’m not sure I think that anyone wants to die. It’s just when things get so hard, they just want those feelings to stop and death seems the only option.

The thing that really does it for me is how low can you get before a way out is sought. When I was at my worst I always thought that this is as low as I can go, then something would push me further. Robin William’s death made me reconsider. I don’t know how low you can go and survive. I know that it can only take a few minutes to take action that cannot be undone. So far that now seems like a long way away, but those suicides that I become aware of remind me that it only takes a minute. Hopefully that minute will never come.

“In the end it doesn’t even matter”. Well maybe it should. Maybe we should be more open about it, so the end isn’t as close as it could be.

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